series2bk6.101

 

I'm in two minds on the issue of whether I shan't want to see her again - as lover or friend? It would end in bed, if only the initial meeting might fleetly (as if by casual accident) occur. Absurdly refraining from taking an active line, I find I'm passively carried on some tide of fate, awaiting the right solution to come like a boat floating past, with sailors to pull me aboard. According to this scenario, I've given up - cupping a hand to my ear to hear the imperfect verdict on what I should do, or how to behave - slavishly followed, with all initiative abandoned.      I do not like it, but I understand      my life depends upon another's plans.